2. Are you out? To whom?
Yeah, my ‘brothers’ know, a lot of my friends know, and my minyan knows…
3. How old were you when you realized you were asexual? What made you realize it?
I started identifying as asexual around half a year ago. My friend sent me a link to the AVEN FAQ, and I was like, ‘hey, this describes me.’
4. Do you identify as a part of the queer community? What communities do you identify with?
I identify with the queer community, yeah. Asexuality is a sexuality that deviates from the ‘norm,’ and as such I identify with the queer community. I of course identify as part of the ace community, in addition to various other communities that have nothing to do with my sexuality.
5. Tell the story of the first person you came out to.
Um I’m going to tell the story of how I came out to my brother. He wasn’t the first person (she was the one who sent the link, I told her I’m ace, and she said ‘here, have some cake’) but he was the second. I did it over facebook chat.
Me: you know how I don’t like kissing? How I find anything of a sexual nature rather icky?
Me: I don’t feel sexual attraction towards anyone.
Him: I’ve noticed
Me: There’s a sexual orientation for that.
that describes me.
Him: what’s it called?
Then he made a joke about asexual reproduction but I don’t get when people are sarcastic and such so I started explaining the differences and then he told me he was kidding. He also put up with me as I told him about the various components and he was super supportive :)
6. Have you faced oppression because of your asexuality, whether institutional or societal?
I don’t know… I don’t think so…
7. Who’s your favorite Doctor? (Or, do you have a favorite asexual character?)
I really like Nine because he was really cool, but Ten will forever be my Doctor.
8. Do you believe there should be asexual pride? What do you imagine it being like?
Yeah, I think we should have pride. I imagine it’ll have a lot to do with cake, ace rings, cake, the ace pride colors, and have I mentioned cake?9. What does being asexual mean to you?
It means that I don’t experience sexual attraction, I don’t want to ‘hook up’ or whatnot. I want to express my love of someone through an emotional and romantic- not sexual, relationship.
10. What have other people said about your asexuality?
‘have some cake’
‘you f**k yourself?’
‘what makes this not a physical thing’- though that was about asexuality in general
‘I’m sure you’ll get urges, but you’ll stay strong and resist’- he thought it was celibacy
11. If you’re out, talk about the most accepting person you’ve come out to. If you’re not out, talk about what you would hope a coming out experience would be like.
-Other aces are very accepting
-My ‘brothers’- who partially didn’t get it but were very willing to learn
-My other friends- they were like ‘okay’ and then moved on with their lives
12. Your favorite asexual Tumblr site.
13. Your favorite asexual website.
I guess AVEN though I rarely go on… I don’t know any other sites that I am a part of. Though next year I think I can join acebook, which is sort of exciting.
14. Tell us about a time you met another asexual, whether in real life or online.
Okay, sorry Rebecca, but you were the one that helped me to figure this out. So I don’t know if this is even applicable. Love ya though!
So after the disastrous Cake Day minyan, I saw the person who my ‘brother’ told me to talk to (as in- tell her what you’re doing in minyan and why- trust me on this— not ‘I command you to talk to other humans’) and I said ‘(My ‘brother’) told me to talk to you, and he sounded all urgent and he was sort of freaking me out… So why?’ And she’s like ‘That’s funny because he told me to talk to you to. I’m asexual. I came out to him the other day and he said ‘Talk to (my name)” And then we talked about it a little bit and it was cool because turns out my school has a decent sized ace-spectrum community (okay so it’s 4 people that I know of, but still)
15. Your favorite asexual character/celebrity/person.
Emilie Autumn (for celebrity)- though supposedly she doesn’t identify as ace anymore
The Doctor- of course (for character)
All my ace friends (and friends on the ace spectrum) are my favorite asexual people
16. Your favorite “asexual” book (as in, sex and/or romance are not the main focus).
The Harry Potter Series
17. Your favorite “asexual” movie.
18. Tell us a funny joke about asexuality.
Guy 1: Nice bicycle man. Is it new? Where’d you get it?
Guy 2: Dude, the weirdest thing. I was just walking down the street and this very attractive woman on a bike stopped in front of me, stripped naked and said: “Take whatever you want bog boy”
Guy 1: Good call. The clothes probably wouldn’t have fit you anyway.
19. What do relationships mean to you?
Ideally, in a relationship, I would want someone who I could do cute couple-ly things with, but without sex or even kissing being an option. I want someone who I can bake vegan things with, and then eat said vegan food while watching re-runs of tv shows and cuddling with said partner. Someone to relieve my cuddle horny-ness.
20. Tell us about your partner(s). If you are not in a relationship, tell us about your best friend(s).
Okay I have a lot of really good friends, and my ‘brothers’ are in another category entirely. I’ll just talk about my brothers, because there are only 2 of them. One is super protective of me, and helps me on homework and stuff sometimes. He’s the reason I haven’t failed chem this year. The other one is the person who teases me, and I don’t really look up to him, but he’s fun and I’m making him teach me how to drive because he’s not terrible at it and my parents kind of are.
21. Your favorite asexual quote.
I guess this counts?
‘Nobody dies from lack of sex. It’s lack of love we die from.’
22. What do you believe causes asexuality?
Same thing that causes any other sexuality
23. What is your favorite asexual pride image?
The flag- the colors happen to be my favorite colors, and almost all the clothing I own are those colors so I’m sort of almost always dressed pride-y
24. Write something or post a picture about asexuality that upsets you.
When people say “I highly doubt that that’s possible” in response to me telling them that
a.) I don’t want to have sex, ever (except for maybe once just because curiosity killed the cat)
b.) I find people more attractive with clothing on
25. What is the worst argument you’ve heard against asexuality?
‘How is it not just a physical thing?’- Well, how is not wanting to have sex with another woman (person who asked that was cishet) not a behavioral thing?
26. Who is your biggest ally?
27. What is your favorite types of cake?
Black forest cake, Elvis cake (it’s a Roots bakeshop thing)
I actually tend to get the cupcake flavor of the week whenever I go to Roots, and they’re all so good!
28. What is your favorite type of pie? (Or, is pie an acceptable replacement for cake?)
PUMPKIN (though I have yet to find a suitable vegan recipe
29. Where did you first learn about asexuality?
From some blog where this person talked about how her partner is asexual- meaning he doesn’t feel sexual attraction. At first, I only thought that people were asexual if they felt no romantic attraction either (I lived a sheltered, uneducated life) and that I was just weird. Then I learned about romantic orientations and BOOM everything made sense.
30. Tell us anything about asexuality that you want to end with.
Um I have no clue… :D